I know that I have officially entered my third trimester. I am back to being tired, and I am over-analyzing everything in the way only a hormone over-producing, 25 pounds in 27 weeks gaining, awful skin possessing, and charley horse afflicting, woman can. I am growing terrified at the prospect of having an infant in the house again, and this time with a toddler who has his own schedule and expectations of how much energy mom and dad need to have for him. I am panicked that we won't be able to figure it out...we have our nice little routine and are what I believe to be great parents, to an only child, but do we have enough to share with a new baby? My to-do list before the baby gets here, at home, at work, keeps growing and the deadlines keep getting closer. I barely have the energy to stick to my routine in the day, including getting Brian ready and to school, getting to work, functioning through the day, coming home, figuring out dinner, play, bath, and bedtime. Occasionally I can fit some cleaning in there somewhere....My patience and fuse grow shorter, my effective parenting weaker. I know my energy will only continue to dissipate the closer I get to my due date. And working full-time with 2? How on earth am I going to do this? Am I crazy? And I hate to admit it, but I really feel alone in all of this. Don't get me wrong, Steve is an awesome father, he really is. He is hands-on, recognizes that we both work full-time and have to equally share parenting duties, and is incredibly patient and caring with Brian. He is absolutely everything I could have asked for in the father of my children...and more. It's just this working opposite schedules thing...We have been together nearly 10 years now and have always had opposite schedules. Which makes it a little easier, because we're both used to it. But every once in a while, I get really bitter about it. Enter hormones. Hello bitter (oh and you brought your friend irrational!), nice to see you again...We get two nights a week, one half day, and one full day together. It just starts to wear on you, more of the time you are together seems to be spent coordinating the day/week vs. appreciating the time you have together. It seems you stop expressing your thoughts, fears, daily struggles and triumphs with them, because it's more important to figure out who is taking the kids to school tomorrow, how much we owe for childcare, and what chores need to be completed when. And you don't think about it...until you do, and realize how much you miss them.
And now it's nearly midnight. I have a sink full of dishes (and no dishwasher- curse this historic house), and I need to get everything together for my day tomorrow so I am ready to get up at 6a and out of the house by 7 to sit in a training in Richmond allllllllllllllllllllll day and then a brief meeting following it, meaning I won't get home until after 8p. Thank God it's nearly the weekend....
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4 comments:
I am SO SORRY you've been having such a frustrating time. The hormonal vents are perfectly normal (I had them ALL the time!). And, a lot of what you posted sounds like real issues you're dealing with...not just emotional "mountains out of molehills" stuff. I hope you are able to get some good rest this weekend and spend some quality time with the fam. I'm praying for you, Claire!
Oh Claire!!! I do feel for you! I really do. It sounds like you really need a break - a chance to unwind and figure things out. I worried about SO many of the same things when I was pregnant with my second. I think it's normal. Things I did differently that I thought I wouldn't... EJ slept with me until she was 9 months old. I was not going to try to get up and down all night like I did with Zoe... I needed energy to actually PLAY with Zoe the next day! And the second baby learns more patience than the first did... because the first is used to being catered to and it is easier to train the new baby than the older one ;) As for the romance in a marriage... I think it just takes work. Sometimes you feel it and sometimes you fake it until you feel it. And kids definitely change the dynamics. It is easier to feel that spark when you are not exhausted. And third trimester??? THE most exhausting. So... allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, but then do something about it. Grab hubby when he walks in the door and squeeze him. Why not, right? But find time for a break. It sounds like you need it. And I'm only a phone call away if you ever need to chat or if I can help give you that break (when we're all well, of course). Love and hugs, my friend.
It's okay - you're completely normal. But if there's any way you can fit a dishwasher in your house, do it immediately! Even one of those that you hook up to the sink every night.
Love, Aunt Mary
I completely get it as well. We also have been working opposite shifts for years. I'm fond of saying the secret to a happy marriage is spending little time together and taking separate vacations but of course that's only a cover. Every now and again it gets to way too much and you end up losing touch with each other. It'll probably be really hard to carve that time out for a little while right after the baby is born but you'll be surprised how quickly you "figure out" how to do it in the best way for you and your family.
Tracey C
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