Brian and Christmas

Tonight after his bath, Brian laid in his bed and asked for songs. So we sang the usuals, and then I asked him if he wanted Christmas ones. Of course since Oma and Grandpa got him the movie Rudolph, it is his favorite, so we started with that one. Then I proceeded to sing him "O' Come All Ye' Faithful." This is the conversation that ensued...

B: Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. I want Rudolph again.
Me: Shhh baby, we are singing a song about baby Jesus.
B: Why? What's wrong with baby Jesus? Is he sick?
Me: No, we sing about baby Jesus because he is the reason why we celebrate Christmas. Christmas was the day Jesus was born, so we are celebrating his birthday.
B: It's not Christmas yet Mommy, it's Christmas SEASON. (this is from us explaining the difference between the season and the actual holiday, as he thought EVERY day that the Christmas tree and lights are up is Christmas)
Me: But it will be Christmas honey, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and then the next day is Christmas.
B: Who is baby Jesus? (I have answered this question on numerous occasions since last Christmas but it is all a hard concept for a 3 year old. It's a hard concept for many adults! So as I like to say at work- repetition, repetition, repetition)
Me: Baby Jesus is God's only son.
B: What's God?
Me: God is our Father (again, difficult concept given that I just told the boy that Jesus is God's only son. Fortunately, at 3, we didn't catch that one....) he watches us all from above.
B: Up there? (pointing at the ceiling)
Me: Yes way up there.
B: God can't sit on the Christmas tree Mommy. It's prickly. It will give him pricklies.
Me: You are right honey (trying not to laugh), God can't sit on the Christmas tree, I don't think he will though he is WAY up high.
B: And where is baby Jesus?
Me: He is up high too baby, they are both watching over all of us.
B: (grins) Is baby Jesus in your belly?
Me: (laughing) No Brian, baby Jesus is not in my belly, your baby sister is in my belly.

And there was my annual attempt to explain the meaning of Christmas to a toddler. I have to say this was a better response to my slightly out of tune rendition of "O' Come All Ye' Faithful." Just a few days ago when I sang it to him in the car (after about 5 other Christmas songs he liked well enough) he started howling. Maybe it was more than slightly out of tune....
Merry Christmas to everyone, may God bless you with health and happiness this Christmas, and every day of the New Year.

Big Brother

Brian is going to be a phenomenal big brother. What a sensitive, loving, and caring child he is. He insists on giving hugs and kisses, and blowing kisses to everyone (well, really other than Daddy, it's just the ladies-he has already perfected the art of flirting, that's for sure!). Brian has really taken to talking to the baby. The baby of course talks back, through me- in a slightly higher pitched voice. It's so cute though, he has whole conversations with her. Tonight we were on our way to Shanna's from the Mall, and he gave her a blow-by-blow update.
Brian: Hey Baby, we are leaving the mall now. It's cold, I am cold, are you cold too?
Baby: No, Mommy's belly keeps me warm.
Brian: We are going over to Ms. Shanna's now, we are going to have cake for Cameron's birthday and we are going to play with Cameron. And Jordan. And Peyton. Do you like cake baby?
Baby: I like whatever Mommy eats.
Brian: No babies don't like cake, they can only drink milk. And when you are hungry, you are going to cry to tell Mommy and Daddy you need milk. (Brian has learned this from his Big Brother book I got him and is very proud of his new-found baby knowledge.)
Baby: That's right Brian.
Brian: When you are born and you are bigger, I am going to hold you. I will be so excited.

Brian also insists that she is not my baby. She is not even OUR baby. She is totally his. On the way home tonight he asked if he could name his baby Layla. I told him that Jacob's new baby sister's name is Layla so we should probably think of a different name (Jacob is his BFF, he just loves him and Layla too already!) I asked him if he wanted to help Mommy and Daddy name the baby. He agreed so I told him the name that I love and am leaning towards and he said "No, I don't like that. That would be silly." So here were his suggestions, in the order he submitted them to me.
"Martha" (after a dog in a PBS cartoon no less)
"Number 1"
"Number Square"
"Number Triangle"
"Star"
"Moon"
And my suggestion for a name was silly??? I suppose Star might work as a middle name, but with my top contender name, it would sound a little too close to a stripper name. So maybe we will have to relieve him of his baby naming duties. It's amazing to me how much he loves her (and expresses he loves her) already. It's really very moving. She is going to be one lucky little girl, to have such a wonderful big brother. And I am one lucky mother, bursting with pride.

What would, and wouldn't you, do for your child?

Honorable mother? Did she do the right thing? I read this article and it disturbed me. I am willing to do anything for my children, but I think I draw the line here. Yes the juror was wrong but the mother's actions make me wonder if her son learned his criminal, "shady" tendencies from her. Note to my children...when you make the decision as an adult to live a life of crime and then take another human life, all bets are off, I will not fight tooth and nail for you. I would hope to never have to experience that though. Enough rambling, here is the link to the article.

http://news.aol.com/article/convicts-mother-digs-up-dirt-on-juror/268659

Yippee!!

Just a quick one to say everything went great at the ultrasound yesterday! She is developing completely normally and is actually a little ahead of her estimated gestational age, so that is great news!! They did not find any red flags or any other markers for Down's Syndrome so we did not opt to do the amnio. First time we have left an ultrasound this pregnancy not feeling like we had the weight of the world on our shoulders, we actually felt good and optimistic and ready for anything! Our risk assessment has not changed, but we feel very confident now that all is well, and if there are some challenges, so be it.
We got the cutest 3D ultrasound pictures as well, so tomorrow I will dust off our scanner and put them up here. Our baby girl is such a diva already...
Thanks so much for all the well wishes, thoughts, prayers, phone calls, listening ears through all of this, and encouraging comments~ it feels nice to be supported!

Speaking of sleeping...

Something tells me that I am not going to sleep well tonight. Rational or not, I am nervous about the ultrasound. I really want to come out of it excited and happy, I don't want a repeat of my last ultrasound where afterwards I sat in the bathroom and cried for ten minutes. I don't want to have to do the amnio, I am hoping that the ultrasound can give us enough information that we can feel like the amnio is not necessary.
And then I feel guilty, and hypocritical. I am praying that this pregnancy is normal, that our baby is fine- with no medical, physical, or cognitive problems. But how can someone who has spent so many years working with and for people with disabilities be praying that her child is "normal"? Especially when I believe that people with disabilities are as normal as anyone else- just with different challenges to contend with. Does it make me a horrible person to not want my child to have to face those challenges? I feel like this is all making me really question my attitudes and beliefs. I want to continue to be an effective advocate for people, to help others understand that regardless of the differences we can and can't see in others we are all equal, and that ALL people deserve the same respect, rights, opportunities, responsibilities, and connections to the community. I DO believe this with every fiber of my being, but shouldn't I be less stressed about the possibility of Down's Syndrome because of it?
Sigh. I just want everything to be OK. I am not a very religious person, but I do believe that at this point, all I can do is pray and put it all into God's hands. He has not led me through anything I couldn't handle thus far. And I have seen some trying times and have had some significant losses in my adult life. I may not have been able to find the meaning in each situation, but I made it through and am sure in some respect am a stronger person because of it. Whatever the outcome, God has His reasons and sees the "bigger picture," if you will. I just have to be accepting of that.

Bedtime Woes

All of a sudden, bedtime has become a source of drama for us. This has been coming on slowly and now here we are. In the land of tears, snot, excuses and exaggerations to prolong bedtime, and drama, drama, drama. Brian went to bed an hour and 15 minutes ago and is still awake up there. He has been re-tucked in about 10 times, has told me that he needs to go potty twice (and to his credit, he did pee both times), I have laid down with him twice, he and the baby had a conversation, and he has come up with about 5 excuses as to why he can not go to bed right now, or why I need to come up immediately. Here are some of things we hear him calling to us over the monitor...

• "I need help" (me: what do you need help with?) "well....come here mommy I have to show you" (me: no, I am calling your bluff)
• "My feet are untucked. Put them back under the blanket."
• "The wind is too loud, it's scaring me." (OK when the wind is blowing, not OK on a night like tonight- one that is completely still)
• "I miss you Mommy, I need hugs"
  
• "I don't want my doggie in my bed (stuffed doggie), come get him out"
• "I have to go potty" (ironically we are perfectly potty-trained at bedtime)
• "My belly's empty, I'm hungry, I need to eat something"
• "I'm so sick, I need medicine"

Sometimes it is amusing to hear what he's going to come up with next. And then sometimes it's a little aggravating. Like tonight...I am exhausted, I have a tooth that is killing me, and I'm stressed out- this does not put me in any kind of mood to go up and down the stairs 20 times.
And now he is FINALLY asleep. At 1opm. From an 8:30pm bedtime. Sigh.

A Cracked Bumper, a shaken Momma, and one crappy way to start the week

Today I rear-ended a van. Really hard. Not on purpose of course, I was behind the van at a yield sign about a mile from work and I watched the van start to pull into traffic and I looked to the left to make sure I was clear to go and stepped on the gas pedal only to slam into the van that decided to hesitate and not pull into traffic as I had assumed. (Holy Run-on sentence...) But it's not just any van. It's a van driven by an 80 year old man (totally not exaggerating here) who is on his way to visit his very sick wife in the hospital. So there we are on the side of the road, the older man on his way to the hospital to see his sick wife who is "not doing well", the pregnant, shaken, guilty momma (that would be me), a van with no damage, and my cracked bumper. This sweet old man insisted he was fine, the van was fine, and there was no need to call the police. I insisted that we at least exchange names and numbers, so we did that much. After I got to work I called my doctor's to inquire about whether or not I needed to be seen- I was told that I needed to go to Labor and Delivery immediately. Fortunately, my office is across the street from a hospital (and yes, this would be the same hospital that the wife of the gentleman I hit is in) so I went over, they had me under observation for about 2 hours and released me. My back and my neck are sore and I have a little bit of soreness/tenderness through my abdomen (I think from the seatbelt), but otherwise I am fine. Then after lunch, all of a sudden I start getting the visuals from a migraine and by 2pm I have a full blown migraine. I can't wait to see what the rest of the week has in store for me. Hopefully this Monday morning is NOT indicative of the rest of the week ahead of me. Especially since my ultrasound for more measurements is on Thursday. I really want good news during that appointment.
Speaking of our baby, I have gotten some good news~ I am negative for the seven most common mutations on the gene causing Cystic Fibrosis. Woo hoo!!! I did test positive for one of the TORCH infections, but fortunately what matters is WHEN your exposure was. After further tests, they determined that it was not a recent infection and that I could have been exposed to it up to a few years ago, hence having no affect on our baby. This was a BIG relief as this particular virus can cause severe mental retardation, brain defects, blindness, and deafness. Of course, it's not enough for our bubbly little genetic counselor to just give us good news and call it a day, she has to remind me that explaining the echogenic bowels does bring us back to my (and I quote) "high risk for Down's Syndrome." So we'll see what the ultrasound tells us on Thursday. We go back and forth every week about the amnio. One week we are totally set on doing it, the next we say no, no, we don't need to do it. I guess it will be a surprise....
At least I have my crazy little boy to make me laugh....

I am behind on updating my blog, I know. But I do have Thanksgiving, visitors, a sick toddler (who has in turn passed it on to his Mommy and Daddy), and a Black Friday adventure to blame it on, so I only feel a limited amount of guilty.
The Yarbrough family is busy battling a cold virus and being preggers I am fairly certain that there is nothing I can take but lozenges and lots of tea and honey. An older gentleman at my Civitan meeting this week recommended a Hot Toddie (tea, honey, lemon, and bourbon) and I said my doctor would probably agree with all those ingredients but the bourbon, to which he replied "oh the baby will be fine with a little bourbon, it's more important that you get rid of that cold." Gotta love old men. Two days later and no better, I am half tempted to take his advice, I mean age brings wisdom...so he must be right.
Feeling horrible as I arrived home from work tonight, Brian came running to the car to meet me. Which was cute in itself, but then he gives me a huge hug (Brian gives the best hugs ever, though he likes to hug your neck which starts to feel a little like a chokehold) and says "I love you Mommy, you're beautiful." Who needs cold medicine or hot toddies when you have the sweetest 3 year old ever, who repeats each word verbatim as you ask him too, and a wonderful, perceptive husband that knew his influencing his son to say this would make his wife's night. Sigh. Happiness is really very easy to find in life...I may even let Brian feed Brody (our dog) alphabet soup like he's been asking to. Brian is convinced that he just needs the letters in alphabet soup to be able to speak. This is the premise for one of his shows on PBS Kids, and if it can make Martha the dog speak, it must work for Brody. I guess I should indulge his youthful inquiry and let him try. Our baby Hope has started moving around a lot this week and really making her presence known...can life get any better? Only one thing could do it- I would be able to breathe through my nose again.

Here are some pictures to enjoy.....What's up with Santa? Some of my favorite Facebook comments on this picture:
- Santa could use some holiday cheer
- Maybe Santa's upset because the elves pee-pee'd in his Lucky Charms
- All Santa wants for Christmas is Prozac, Prozac, Prozac
Me at 20 weeks. The girls are still bigger than the belly....
Brian and his Brody. I will post a video of Brody post-Alphabet soup
experiment, pending its success....

A girl and a bag

I am not a snob when it comes to material items. I do appreciate and like the finer things (and admittedly have a tendency to be somewhat of a wine snob...) but my need for bargains also requires that I find these things as inexpensively as possible. If I can't, I don't buy them and simply admire them from afar.
Today Steve, Brian, and I went to the Outlets. We found some great deals and I left with a cute, comfy pair of Timberland boots. My 12 year old beloved brown boots were "retired"-aka trashcan- this week at Steve's insistence due to a separating of the boot from the sole, so I felt like it was also a fair purchase. But my true love of the day still sits alone upon a shelf in the store...Steve pointed out the Coach outlet, so I thought- I'll just take a peek. And there she was, regally seated, a portrait of class and grace....a beautiful, chocolate brown suede bag with brown leather trim. I named her Sheila and I already miss her. She was expensive- more than I would ever dream about paying for a handbag, but in Coach terms-definitely a bargain. I will point her out to Steve and hope that I find her under the tree. I won't hold my breath. We're practical shoppers. But do you know how bittersweet it is to go to the Outlets and see cute clothes when you're pregnant? I was the same way when I was pregnant with Brian, I fell in love with every handbag and pair of shoes I saw. But this was different, this was a special connection.
I will never forget you Sheila. Until we meet again....

Playing the Numbers Game...

I promised a more detailed update on our baby girl, so here goes it...
Thursday proved to be a very emotionally exhausting day for Steve and me. On the one hand, we found out we are having a girl~very exciting! On the other, we were hoping to have certain questions answered and not only did we not have those questions answered, we left with more questions than we walked in with. We met with the genetic counselor first who went back over our numbers with us from the earlier tests and said that the upcoming ultrasounds (28 and 34 weeks) would be focused on the placenta as well as the baby given that they are fairly sure that the high hormone levels are indicating the strong likelihood of me developing preeclampsia again. After meeting with her, we were a little frustrated as we discovered that my doctor's office scheduled me too early for a full morphology ultrasound, so they were likely not going to be able to see many organs clear enough to say yes, we see this issue, or no, everything looks great. Even so, Steve and I went in feeling a little better thinking that we were likely looking at a reoccurence of preeclampsia. Still scary- but we have already been through it and know what to anticipate. Not to mention, the problem is with me and it resolves itself after delivery, and is NOT a problem with the baby.
Then we have the ultrasound. The baby (in utero name- Hope- I felt it was fitting) has echogenic bowels. This means that on the ultrasound they are as white as the adjacent bone. What does this mean? Well that's what they are trying to figure out right now. It is a marker for chromosomal abnormalities (most commonly Downs Syndrome) but they also see it in some infections and viruses, babies who swallowed any blood in the amniotic fluid-if the mother has some sort of bleed at some point, and Cystic Fibrosis. SO- those are the blood tests I had to do, for CF and potential infections/viruses. If I come back positive for CF, then Steve will have to get tested too (recessive gene- both of us have to carry it). I also have to go back Dec. 11th for another ultrasound for more measurements. The doctor had a pediatric cardiologist come in to look at the heart and after looking at it for nearly 10 minutes in complete, nerve-wracking SILENCE, she said everything looks OK that she can see now. But again we got the- it's still kind of early. So it's sounding like the Dec. 11th U/S will give us some more answers, and I will just pray that my blood tests come back negative. And we'll make a decision about the amnio after the next ultrasound.
So what is the numbers game that I am referring to? Well, my 1 in 58 chance of having a baby with Downs Syndrome just became a 1 in 8 chance, thanks to the ultrasound finding a marker for it. But really, when it boils down to it, this all means NOTHING. It's a risk assessment. Of course, when its YOU going through it, its all terrifying and traumatic and near impossible to think about anything but the "what if's." You know logically, the numbers are just that, numbers, but inside all you can think about is your baby. What if Hope has Down's Syndrome? How will that change our lives? How will we ensure that we bring her up with the most normal life possible? What if she has Cystic Fibrosis? How will she feel when she becomes aware that her parents brought her into this world knowing full well that she will not live beyond her 20's? What if it's one of the infections? One of the infections that can cause developmental delays, intellectual disabilities, blindness, or deafness? What if, what if?...Knowing what I now know, I would never choose to get these screens again. We are talking about unknowns right? Well the world, life, and the lives of your children are FILLED with unknowns. What if the doctor offered to tell you your risk assessment for having a heart attack before the age of 50? How about the chances that your child would have some form of childhood cancer? A risk assessment for becoming a victim of a violent act? Or how about knowing how likely you are to get hit by a car and suffer a traumatic brain injury? Would you choose to know? Of course not! We wouldn't even THINK about developing tests like this. Yet this is OK for my unborn child? Does it help for me to make myself more stressed out about this pregnancy than I already am? I firmly believe that our moods and emotions greatly affect our babies in utero. I don't want to be crying and worried the rest of my pregnancy. I want to be enjoying life, I want to be happy, I want to be THRILLED to be planning the arrival of my second child. And I feel like "the numbers" are trying to rob me of these moments.
And I feel terribly guilty. I feel like I prayed so loudly for a girl that God didn't hear me praying for her health....
But I ended my week on a positive note. After crying through the better part of my drive home from work (not recommended commuting 45 minutes on a dark, rainy, foggy night where the visibility is bad enough to begin with) I came home to an e-mail from a gracious woman from my Mom's Group who offered to watch Brian for me tonight so I could go out to a Mom's Night Game Night and get my mind off everything. I took her up on it and am so happy that I did. It was exactly what I needed. I had a great time, I laughed, I chatted, I played games (miserably though, I must add- my game playing skills are not quite up to par) and I didn't think once about the "numbers."
So this is where we are now. We try not to worry, and we hope and pray for the best. And we stay away from math...

Brian said he wanted a baby sister, so a baby sister he shall have

That's right, it's official! We are having a GIRL!!!! So thank you to everyone who was kind enough to send us their girl vibes, it paid off! It is also fairly certain that it's a girl, thanks to her modesty (or rather, lack there of) she was posed with her legs over her head which gave the sonographer a pretty good view.
Brian has said over the last year or so that he wants a baby sister. A handful of times he said brother (though that was likely due to Daddy's prompting), but for the most part it has been baby sister. When we told him he was going to have a baby sister he nodded and said, "AND a brother?" Can you tell the boy is spoiled? We are certainly going to have our hands full.
Steve is still adjusting to the fact that its a girl, given that he was fairly convinced that he doesn't "make" those. Today (before the Ultrasound) he said that it couldn't be a girl as he had gotten all the girl sperms drunk the night before so they wouldn't be able to get to the right place. Looks like one of those girl sperms stopped to ask for directions...
More details about the ultrasound, etc. to come later. I just wanted to have the right to be excited about the fact that I am having a girl. Unfortunately today came with more questions than answers. But I want THIS entry to be positive. Positively PINK! :)

(sidenote: my apologies to anyone who found the sperm joke offensive....)

Belly dancing and ladies that are not supposed to be there

Procrastination. My middle name...I am seriously putting off the cleaning and organizing of my house. I did work a little bit in the kitchen while Brian took an HOUR to eat a sandwich. He has been finicky about eating lately, and then come bed time he cries because his belly's empty. So I was mean mommy and made him sit and finish. We ended up compromising and he finished most of it and ate some fruit with no problem (he has one serious sweet tooth) and then we played with cars and blocks he got at the birthday party today. So intermittently I took care of the kitchen, such that it's almost done, but that's one room out of my entire house. Argh...

Back to the birthday party, wow that was some entertainment. Not only was it an Arabian princess party, it was one where the girls (and my boy) learned how to belly dance. Yes, yes, hold your laughter please...Brian got a crown, the girls tiaras, and they all got the hip scarves with the "jingles" on them. Brian is all boy, while all the girls shook their hips to listen to them jingle, Brian jumped up and down. He tried to follow the dance instruction but I am pleased to say his future in the NFL has not been compromised by a new found passion to become a dancer. Though Brian loves to dance, in his mind dancing consists of running in circles, jumping up and down, spinning with Mommy, and finishing the song on his knees on the floor in something that can be best described as a gymnastics dismount. Where he learned that one, not quite sure. Anyway, Brian has NO rhythm. That became abundantly clear today. And although I probably said no, and stop running about 50x, he did fairly well at the party, especially considering he does have the attention span of a 3 year old, not a 6 year old. We forgot the camera but I am hoping Michelle got some good pictures I can steal from her on Monday. Brian and his harem of girls...

Naturally, from all the excitement and the sugar high, quickly followed by the crash, of too much birthday cake, Brian fell asleep on the way home. When he woke up from his nap, the sun was already starting to go down and the house was getting dark. He woke up SCREAMING. I ran upstairs (well, as fast as I can run these days) and he was screaming about there being something scary in his room. I reassured him that he was just scared b/c it was dark and everything was OK. Well tonight, after we got ready for bed, read Dumbo (his absolute FAVORITE book-by the way, it's mine from the 70's!!), and brushed our teeth, we walked into his room so I could tuck him in. Brian pointed behind me to the corner that closet sits and said calmly "The lady was standing right there. The lady that scared me was standing over there." My heart leaped into my throat and I spun around and of course, nothing was there. But I am still really uneasy. We live in an 80 year old house. Brian has been "seeing" and "talking" to things since he was an infant. Usually they don't scare him, so they don't really scare us either. So far there has only been two occasions where he was really scared by something, but I guess we can now say three. Freaky. People have suggested we research the history of this house, but I am a little apprehensive about it. After all, we own our house and its not like we can get up and leave if we don't like what we find out. I prefer to think that after 80 years of residents in this house, there is bound to be some energy that is left behind. Whether you want to call that spirits, or ghosts, or an "echo" of people past, so long as we are not fearful, why mess with that?

Enough procrastinating. I am off to finish my projects, or rather, make somewhat of a dent in them. Tomorrow will be a lovely day. Steve is home, and all that is on the agenda is the NEW (as Brian puts it) Madagascar in the movie theater, football, and Steve's chili. Mmmmmm, I can't wait!

An Arabian Princess Party

This afternoon Brian and I are going to an Arabian Princess Birthday Party for Michelle's youngest daughter. Brian is the only boy going. This should be interesting! I informed Michelle yesterday that if Brian puts on a dress and goes for a tiara, we are leaving. She informed me that they have crowns for the boys. I remember when Christy, Brian's first sitter, used to watch him and he was the only boy. I know how he loved the tiaras and wands....Such a goof.
Yesterday after work, I went to Target to attempt to find a birthday gift for a 6 year old girl. It was then I realized that I am in big trouble if I have a girl. I had no idea what to get!!!! Girls are so much pickier than boys, there is so much more to choose from~ I was completely lost. We are about to venture back out to Toys R' Us in an attempt to find something. Wish me luck.....

A child of the world

My parents are flying across the big blue Atlantic right now (or perhaps may already be in Amsterdam?) on their way to Vienna to see the family. Whenever they head overseas it makes me nostalgic and a little sad that I am not going along. From the age of 2, we traveled out of the country (or lived out of the country) at least every 5 years, but usually only 2-3. And when we were living overseas, we REALLY traveled everywhere. We only lived in Germany for 2 years but made it to 8 other countries during that time. 9 if you include the former East Germany. Ha ha-Mom & Dad, I am including that whirlwind 24 hours we spent in London after the red-eye flight. I am still amazed that Patrick and I have any recollection of that day. But I do! I remember Madame Tussaud's, the Tower of London, falling asleep on the shoulder of some random man on the train. Maybe Brian inherited his elephant of a memory from me?... Now, it has been 10 years since I have stepped foot outside of the US. 10 freaking years. How did this happen? Traveling was such a big part of who I am, and sculpted me into the person I am today, how is it that this is no longer apart of my life? I can certainly pinpoint some reasons. Money (or rather lack there of...). Strange development of a fear of flying. Time. Money. Babies. Responsibilities. Money. But how do you let something go that is such a core of your being? It has been 12 years since I have seen my family in Austria. They have never met Steve or Brian. Family- MY family.
I remember how hard it was adjusting back to this country when I graduated from high school and returned for college, after spending the better part of 6 years overseas. Some days I still feel like I am readjusting, strange after all these years. I just grew so accustomed to being around people that were not like me, did not look like me, did not sound like me, and did not travel the same road as me to get to where they were. In Hamburg, I was the honorary Swede. In Manila, I enjoyed friendships with Americans, Filipinos, Germans, Canadians, Palestinians, Israelis, French, British, and Dutch. I treasure these friendships that I made, how much I learned from them- about other cultures, religions, ways of life- and as a result, how much I learned about myself. These experiences humbled me. I didn't walk around like I was better than everyone else because I was an American. Don't get me wrong- I am proud to be an American, just as proud as I am of my Austrian heritage. But I don't believe it makes me superior or gives me any right to be arrogant or self-righteous. Unfortunately, qualities that many people abroad feel that Americans possess. And having seen many Americans abroad as well as here at home, I would agree that many give off that air. As difficult as it was coming back to my home country (interestingly enough, a sentiment shared by many expats- from all over the world- when returning to their home countries) I would never trade these experiences...even though some days I still feel like I am missing out, stuck in Hampton Roads, Virginia. I have to laugh at the saying, "home is where the heart is." I grew up feeling like my motto was "home is anywhere but where I am right now." Now I know that it's where the people you love are. It's a state of mind. It's located in your soul. I am a child of the world. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
So thank you Mom and Dad. Thank you for allowing me the opportunities that I had growing up. Thank you for exposing me to other cultures and countries and for instilling in me tolerance and understanding. I already miss you both and can't believe I can't talk to you everyday as usual for the next 3 weeks. Thank goodness for Vonage....you'll wish you never gave me that number! Below are some pictures from Italy, the only ones from childhood on my computer...
(By the way, this is what sparked this topic, when I was looking through pictures and found these...)

Ooh the pain........

I am so sick of these headaches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tylenol does NOTHING for migraines and really nasty tension/stress headaches, and that's all I am allowed to take right now. Every inch of my head hurts and now its travelling down my neck. If I could go just one day without a headache, it would feel like a week's vacation to Greece. It would be wonderful. That's how rough these are. The clock ticking sounds like someone banging on the door, Brian making high pitch noises sounds like a banshee screaming directly into my ear, and the sound of someone breathing normally sounds like they just finished a marathon. IT IS PAINFUL. Blah.

On a happier note, it's Thursday. One more day until the weekend :) We have a birthday party to go to Saturday morning, and otherwise, no other commitments. Which is like sweet music to my ears. I think I am going to work on doing some organizing on Saturday. I know, exciting stuff, but we need the room for baby and I am determined not to be scrambling like a madwoman trying to get my house under control a week before we put it on the market. And that house is going on the market in 2009. I don't care what the market looks like, we have got to get out of P-town and get Brian into a decent school district.
I think we are going to take Brian to see the new Madagascar movie on Sunday. He is very excited about it coming out, he has been seeing the previews and his face lights up each time. And this is one I know he will sit through the WHOLE thing in the theater. We also actually enjoyed the first one (well, at least the first 50 times we saw it) so it won't be as painful as having to sit through Happy Feet.

And there are my ramblings....

My favorite little Republican

Noelle, you are my favorite little Republican. I forgive you for being a Conservative. ;) And I forgive you for swaying the California election in the way you did. You will regret it years from now when you come knocking for that civil union...(hahahahaha)

I love talking politics with you girl. Even though we differ in our politics, its amazing how much we can see eye to eye on, although it may primarily be thanks to our sense of humor. You are my favorite person to debate with and I love that after all these years (20!!!), I still call you to talk politics. And for this, I dedicate this blog post to you.

Thanks for our talk tonight, you always make me smile :) oh and laugh....
Miss you!

My thoughts on this historic day

Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.
-Barack Obama, President Elect

I voted for Hilary in the primaries. I was disappointed that Obama did not choose to unify the Democratic party by taking her on as his running mate. I have only partially forgiven him for that. But, I put this aside, and hesitantly passed my support on to Obama. I hope that over the next 4 years I will become increasingly confident with this decision.

That being said, there are a number of reasons I am a happy gal today and immensely proud of our nation and its citizens.

• I am proud that we are another step closer to seeing people without putting an emphasis on the exterior. We have elected our first African-American president. I know I will continue to teach my child (and soon, children!) to see people as people, to look beyond race, age, gender, disability, ethnicity, religion, and sexual orientation- all those things that separate and divide us when we focus on them and discriminate based on them- and see and appreciate people for who they are inside and their strength of character. I hope that our nation looking beyond the color of someones skin means that there are many more like me, ready to make the commitment to raise their children, our nation's children, in this spirit as well. I hope that we are on our way to teaching our children to appreciate and celebrate our differences, and see them as a strength, not a weakness, of mankind.
  
• I am proud that a Biracial man, raised by his single mother and his grandparents, who was not handed things on a silver platter, who persevered and triumphed, has become President of our great country. Who would have thought this would happen 50, even 20 years ago? We have come a long way and should be proud.
• I am proud that for the first time ever, everyone I voted for won their election! First time! And the first time I have voted for the winning presidential candidate as well! So selfish of me, but exciting. I was getting ready to start voting for the "opposing team"....
• I am proud that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. can smile upon us knowing that his Dream is coming true.
• I am ecstatic that Mark Warner got the Senate seat. A man well-liked and respected by not only his own party but also by many Republicans, shown in his receiving many of their endorsements. I am excited to watch his political career over the next few years. I hope that he is the future of our party, of politics. We need to represent the majority of Americans, the people in the middle. The people that can get things done in Washington because they are capable of stepping over party lines.
  
• I am extremely proud to be a Democrat today. Over the last 8 years, and typically in the State of Virginia, people have treated the word "Democrat" as if it were a bad word, as if we were less patriotic, as if we should feel ashamed of our politics and what we feel is of importance in our lives, in our communities, in our nation. Stand up and be proud fellow Democrats. Today is our day to celebrate and to be proud. Now lets hold our elected politicians to their promises and ensure that we can continue to be proud of our party.

"Unyielding Hope." That's a great way to describe what led me to cast my vote for Obama. Hope. Ideals. Opportunity...for ALL, not just the privileged. I will continue to hope that Obama is able to not only hold fast to his ideals, but to work towards them, to see and recognize the ideals and hopes of ALL Americans and to fight for them, for us, for our great nation. There are no promises or guarantees, only hope.

My silly little monkey

AKA from the mouths of babes....
The older Brian gets, the more I am floored by the things that come out of his mouth and the things he knows and is aware of. It just amazes me. And the pure, innocent place that his questions and commentary come from. Ignorance is truly bliss....
Here are some topics that Brian has broached in the past week or so...

Where do babies come from?

Ah how we moms quietly shiver in fear of this question. Brian didn't so much as ask me the question but more gave me his own commentary as to how babies end up in Mommies' bellies...To set up the scene, we were on the way to the zoo and as we passed Norfolk General I pointed it out as the hospital Brian was born at and where the new baby would be born. A few minutes later this conversation transpires:

B: Mommy, I don't want you to eat me, your teeth would hurt me.
Me: Bri why on earth would you think I would ever eat you? Mommy eats food not people.
B: The baby in your belly Mommy. You have a baby in your belly and you can't eat me and put me in your belly because I'm too big.
Me: Is that how you think babies end up in Mommy's belly Brian? Because Mommies eat a baby to put it there?
B: Yes. I can't go in your belly now because I'm too big. When I get little, then I can fit in your belly Mommy.
Me: Brian I promise Mommy does not eat any babies. I will never eat you, nor will you ever get smaller, you will only grow bigger.
B: And then I can ride on the roller coaster, when I'm bigger?
Me: Yes love. Oh look there's the zoo. (sigh of relief)

I told my mother this story, who as always enjoyed the antics of her grandson, but noted that life was so much easier when the storks brought babies. I still wonder how women explained the large bellies...my mom said everyone wore tents back then and kids just chalked up the big bellies to weight gain. At least they had storks in Sinnersdorf, Austria Mom! Not so much in Hampton Roads, Virginia.

As funny as this conversation was, it still blew my mind how logical this was for him. He was probably thinking "I'm hungry, my belly hurts. I eat food, the food goes to my belly and my belly is full." OK so we know where things end up when they are consumed through the mouth- into the belly. "Mommy has a baby in her belly. Mommy must have eaten the baby." I know it's a bit deceiving but it really is much easier to say that the baby is in the belly vs. the uterus. Because THAT would be a whole other conversation to blog....

Brian and Politics

I am sure I am not the only one in Virginia (or in any other "battleground" state) who will be relieved come November 5th. We are ABSOLUTELY bombarded with campaign ads, from the DNC, the RNC, people who have the truth, people seeking the truth, Swift Boat Captains for truth (ooops, wrong election), people for families, people for aliens, oh the list goes on and on. So, once again to set the scene, I was watching the news yesterday evening waiting for my chicken to finish in the oven and the media's favorite darling Obama (sorry folks, I am a Democrat, but I still think it should have been Hilary~and am still half tempted to write her name in on the ballot, just as a final show of solidarity to Hil) was on the screen and the reporter was talking the election...

B: Mommy who's Oh-BAH-Ma?
Me: He's one of two men running for president Brian.
B: What's a president Mommy? (OK, should have expected that one)
Me: A president is the leader of our country. (Yeah because a 3 year old is going to get that)
B: What's a country? Where's the country?
Me: We live in a country honey, the United States of America.
B: We don't live in Portsmouth Mommy? We live in the country?
Me: Well Portsmouth IS in the country Brian.
B: Oh. (pause as he digests this) What's a president?
Me: Brian you know how Daddy runs our house? How he is the head of our family? (Yeah Steve is going to LOOOOOVE this answer)
B: Yes.
Me: Well the president is like the Daddy of the whole country, instead of running just the house, he runs the United States.
B: Mommy, who's that lady (pointing to Palin on TV- at this point TV is muted and he is unable to hear her name)
Me: That's Palin, she's running for Vice President.
B: (looks at Mommy blankly)
Fortunately here is where Mommy was saved by the oven timer. I am not at the top of my game at 6:45 in the evening to give a Political Science 101 class to a three year old!!!!

Brian and kindness towards strangers

I love that my son is so outgoing. I admire his ability to walk up to any child and become their friend within minutes (as we so quickly outgrow this skill into adulthood). I am so proud that he sees people for people and doesn't point out their differences and wants to talk to everyone the same. He says hi to everyone when we are in a store, the mall, the park, or out for a walk, and really gets a little hurt if people don't say hi back. This lack of apprehension for others and his willingness to talk to anyone who will talk back to him, while endearing also scares me to death. He is so much more likely to walk off with someone because he trusts everyone. He is more likely to fall victim to a predator because he isn't scared of anyone. So as a parent, I have to balance teaching him that strangers are not always friendly, and that he has to learn to be a little more wary of others, without leading him to fear the world. Hard job, but then again no one said parenting was easy. I just don't want him to lose his carefree, fearless attitude. Especially given how Mommy trusts very few people. There is now this famous story of me as a small child, my parents having warned me not to open the front door to strangers as it could be a murderer at the door. And a boss or work colleague of my Dad's, that I didn't know at the age of 4, knocked at our door and I yelled "Mommy, Daddy there's a murderer at the door!"
We met up with a friend tonight at the mall and Brian befriends this little boy his age at the mall playarea. He and the little boy start talking to his new friend's Daddy. Brian is close enough that I can get to him quickly, but still far enough away that I felt a little uneasy because I don't know this man. Next thing I know Brian yells to me, "Mommy, do we live in Norfolk?" Blast my child being obsessed with cities right now. I beckoned for him to come to me, which he started to and then said "Oh no, we live in Portsmouth, that's right." Great let's just give this guy directions to our house Brian. Oh and tell him that Daddy's working right now (because he likes to share that information too). Ugh we have some work to do in this area, before Brian gives Mommy a heart attack.

OK, I admit it. I am long-winded. It takes me a million years to get my point across. I know this. But this IS the second day in a row I have blogged. Yay me :)
And now off to get things ready for tomorrow. Another long drive to Richmond. And a long day as we have a Board/Staff Retreat from 5-7p. Did I mention in Richmond? Ugh, I won't be home until 9pm. At least we are getting served Maggiano's for dinner. Mmmmm, yummy. I guess you can find the silver lining if you look for it....

A Recap in pictures

Well, what do you know....playing catch-up again. This time I have a great excuse- it's been a busy busy week and the Yarbrough family has been on the move!! Which is how Brian likes it I might add, his favorite sayings~ "I want to get out of the house" (sometimes varies with "I HAVE to get out of the house"), and "Let's go have fun" say it all! Brian does NOT equate being at home with having fun. So the last two weekends have been bliss for my little monkey as we have not really stopped moving...This weekend will likely be the same, but after that, I get at least two weekends of vegging on the couch. It's only fair.
So here is my recap of the last week or so in pictures....

Last Sunday, we took part in the Va. Beach ALS walk. We walked with JTwalk which was organized by the family of a guy that Steve went to junior high school and high school with. Absolutely amazing- over 3,000 people came out to walk in his name. He was diagnosed with ALS a year ago and is already confined to a wheelchair. 33 years old and the father of 2 young children. Such an absolutely devastating illness. I walked in the first ALS walk in Hampton Roads 5 years ago with an old friend. We walked with a dear friend of hers who also had ALS. There were under 100 people at that walk. So to see the walk grow to nearly 4,000 people, absolutely amazing.

Brian not happy waiting in very windy, cold Oceanfront air for the walk to start. He has truly perfected his scowl. Practice makes perfect...

Wow. I do not make a cute Smurf. It was cold and windy, my warmth was much more important than style and vanity.

Later on in the week, Brian decided to surprise Daddy by painting him a picture. As I told my best friend tonight, when little boys get in trouble, usually a huge mess or injury is involved. Fortunately this was just a lot of green paint. Brian poses in time out.

Here's another shot- love the paint moustache Bri!

Brian as Buzz Lightyear!!! Oma and Grandpa spent the weekend with their favorite grandson and went with us to take Brian to the Olde Towne Portsmouth Trick or Treat Event.

Brian had a wonderful time, though on Halloween, the candy goes directly into the bag and not into his hand first. We had to battle over every single piece of candy to get it in the bag and convince him that he could eat it later and not this very second. It got to where he would say "Trick or Treat" and after handing him the candy he would ask the person, "I can eat this LATER?" What a nut. The funniest part was when he would refer to himself in character AND in third person. "Buzz Lightyear will carry the bag Mommy" "Buzz Lightyear said thank you for the candy Mommy" "Buzz Lightyear wants to eat a sucker Mommy." And I repeat, what a nut....

Brian and his buddy Hunter at the Hunt Club Halloween Kids Party on Sunday.

On a hayride! Brian's favorite thing about Fall...After the hayride he HAD to thank the hayride driver. We had to hunt the guy down so he could say "thank you for my hayride." The guy told him that no one ever thanks him and thanked Brian for thanking him. Brian just smiled.

Ahhh, the moon bounces. Always a good time. Is it me or does Brian look like a knight in this picture with the little hoodie?


Yesterday was windy and rainy. So when we got home from work, we built a tent for Brian. Apparently our tent making skills went out with our childhood. But after a few attempts, we had a tent. Brian loved it and ran back and forth from the den to the living room for about 15 minutes bringing as many toys and books as he could into his tent. We had dinner in the tent, and Brian had breakfast in the tent. I am expecting a full mutiny tomorrow morning as the tent came down when Brian went to bed tonight. Tents have a 24 hour life span when they are in the middle of my living room and it's darn well lucky it lasted that long. It was fun though and Brian loved it.

And now I am done and off to bed. I have quite the headache and think I may becoming down with a head cold. Fantastic!!! 'Tis the season I suppose....

Baby on the way update

Every time I get on here to update my blog, I feel like there is so much to write, as I just don't have ample opportunity to write and upload pictures. This blog entry is dedicated to our baby on the way, an update on how this pregnancy is progressing...
I am right at the beginning of my 14th week, which means...yay! end of the 1st trimester!! I am still feeling pretty exhausted but I am starting to feel a return of energy and motivation, and a little less nausea, though the heartburn continues and is kicking my butt! But overall I can not complain.
About 2 weeks ago we opted to have the first trimester triple "Nuchal Translucency" screen. This test assesses your risk for having a baby with Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18. I will be completely honest, I opted to take this test for selfish reasons, recognizing an opportunity to get an additional ultrasound, but in hindsight am thankful that my selfishness and attempt to pull one over on my insurance company resulted in me getting this test. I got the dreaded phone call as I was driving home from Richmond on Wednesday- when you hear "Hi this is _________, genetic counselor" you may as well hang up if you were hoping for good news. There was good news....my risk assessment for the Trisomy 18 was 1 in 10,000. The counselor assured me you can't get any better than that. However, my risk for Down Syndrome was not so hot. To help put it in perspective, a woman 31 years young as myself- looking at age alone- has a 1 in 522 risk in having a baby with Down Syndrome. Well, when they factored in my Nuchal Translucency, ultrasound and blood results, my chances for having a baby with Down Syndrome went from 1 in 522 to 1 in 58. Basically, according to one of the Down Syndrome Association websites I visited, I have the same "risk" as a 44 year old woman. I was blessed to have a lovely genetic counselor, who answered every question I had, and pleasantly took a phone call the next day to take more questions. Long story short, the reason my risk was assessed higher were for the following reasons: 1. Babies with Down Syndrome have a larger than average clear space in the tissue at the back of the baby's developing neck, due to an accumulation of more fluid. They do not like to see this space measure more than 2 mm. Our baby's was 1.7 and although that is within normal, they consider it to be high normal. 2. In the blood test they test for Inhibin-A and HCG levels. In a normally developing pregnancy, these levels should be at 1.0. My HCG is at 3.1 and my Inhibin-A is at 5.0. What does all this mean, if not Down Syndrome, and where are we going from here? I asked the genetic counselor what else the high hormone levels could indicate, given that the 1 in 58 assessment really means- out of 58 women who have the same test results as me, only 1 has a baby with Down Syndrome. This would indicate, at least to me, that there must be other factors that can contribute to higher than normal levels. Well, this was also not happy news. They are linking high hormone levels in the first trimester to a greater likelihood for preterm labor, specifically preeclampsia. Super! So hear we go again! In my second trimester screen with Brian, I also screened at higher risk for Down Syndrome, also due to elevated hormone levels. Could it have been indicator with him?
There is a silver lining to all of this (oh yes, really there is), anytime levels are over 3.5 women get two extra ultrasounds at 28 and 34 weeks...there are those ultrasounds again, lol...and we will keep a closer eye out for the signs that preeclampsia may be developing. The genetic counselor also noted that she would be recommending that they consider transferring me over to the Maternal-Fetal Medicine doctors (high-risk pregnancy specialists) from the General Obstetrics, though I already get all my testing and ultrasounds through them so they will likely not transfer me until I start showing signs of problems. I am relieved to feel that I will be listened to this time, unlike when I was pregnant with Brian and starting to swell up like a balloon by 28/29 weeks and the doctor's office told me that some swelling was normal, ignoring that my blood pressure was high for me. Or when I went to the ER and they sent me home, with very high blood pressure, proteins in my urine, and ankles the size of tree trunks, on a Friday night of Labor Day weekend telling me I should probably see my doctor ASAP, yet didn't bother to page said doctor. My current doctor was very reassuring, I am happy to have switched to her, she calmed my nerves and said not to worry about the risk of preeclampsia right now, as it doesn't typically develop until the third trimester and there is essentially absolutely nothing that can be done to prevent it. Fabulous! As for the original issue, we have an amniocentisis scheduled for November 13th, immediately following an ultrasound~ which will also be the U/S that tells us the sex of the baby (girl, girl, girl, girl)~ but feel that if the ultrasound does not give us those "markers" for Down Syndrome (heart defect, stomach and intestinal issues, etc), we will likely opt out of the amniocentisis. Frankly that test scares the heck out of me, in that there is always a risk for miscarriage, infection, complications. Oh yeah, and sticking a very long needle in through my stomach into my uterus to pull out a sampling of amniotic fluid just doesn't really sound like my idea of a good time....
On a lighter note, and much needed after this week, I woke up today with a baby bump! The growing belly is my favorite part of pregnancy and I can't wait to feel her (or him) start to move and kick. We got some really good ultrasound pictures and if I can figure out how to work the scanner, I will post them on here for your viewing pleasure. :)
Thanks for making it to the end of this blog post and for staying updated with the Yarbrough's! I can't wait to announce the sex of the baby!!!

I am a Civitan!

Tonight I was inducted as a member of Civitan International. I was approached by a member that was interested in having me as a member from our agency to be able to establish a closer tie with this community service organization. I am so excited about becoming a member! I think finding ways to give back to our community is so important, especially in volunteering our time and doing it without payment.
In case you are not familiar with them, their mission statement is as follows:
The mission of Civitan worldwide is to build good citizenship by providing a volunteer organization of clubs dedicated to serving individual and community needs with an emphasis on helping people with developmental disabilities.
I can't wait to get involved in their service projects and become active in the group.
If you are interested in more information, here is the link to the Civitan website....
Civitan

Vacations, Beaches, and Nor'Easters

Steve and I never take vacations. Since we started dating over 9 years ago, we have been to Atlantic City, Myrtle Beach, Kings Mill in Williamsburg, OBX, and Charlotte, North Carolina. We travel up to D.C. frequently to see my parents and friends and when we take time off from work it's usually because family is visiting from out of town or we are traveling up to West Virginia for my family reunion (no jokes please, I have heard them all! My family tree branches out appropriately, thank you!), but very rarely do we manage to get out of town as a family to just relax and have fun. So when provided with the opportunity, we jumped at the chance to turn a weekend trip to the Outer Banks for a wedding into an excuse for a vacation. Over the course of the last month, in which the Atlantic was very active in churning up storms, our mantra became "please let our trip be hurricane free." We forgot to add, "...and please no Nor'Easters." When we arrived on Saturday, it was already pretty windy. By Sunday, we spent a total of 10 minutes on the beach because the wind was so strong, the no swimming signs were up, and the sea was churning. Little did we know that this would be the only 10 minutes we would spend on the beach for our whole trip!!!! We ended up leaving on Tuesday to avoid getting stuck in the rapidly approaching coastal storm. We drove along the beachfront road in Nags Head before we left and the waves were already coming up under some of the houses that were built directly on the beach. So we finished off our vacation by taking Brian up to visit his Oma and Grandpa in D.C. We were a little disappointed with our beach vacation (as the vacation really did not include much of the beach...) but we were able to spend wonderful quality time together as a family, Steve and I didn't have to work for 6 days straight (AWESOME feeling!!!), and Steve was able to hang with (i.e. get intoxicated with...) all his college fraternity buddies at the very beautiful wedding we went to. So I would say, off time well spent! I feel energized and refreshed and ready to tackle the.....weekend! ;) Next weekend- off to Jessica's wedding in New York! Wow, I am feeling like quite the traveler.....
I am posting some pictures of our vacation below, enjoy!

Steve and I at Damien's wedding posing in front of the well stocked bar that I was unable to indulge in. I am determined to allow pictures of me to be taken during this pregnancy. I was adamantly against it with Brian, in fact I only have pregnancy pictures during two events- family reunion and my baby shower. I prefer to refer to them as fat and fatter. This will probably the last picture I have of myself pregnant that I actually LIKE....

I loved the centerpieces so much, I had to take a picture of one (check out the coozy wedding favors- made out of Coast Guard grade life preserver material! Very cool...Brian spent the 5 hour drive up to D.C. with one on each arm and told us they were his floaties for the pool)

Another shot of me and my honey (such a hottie! And not aging at all! 4 years older than me, and I will soon look older than him...)
The reception was overlooking the Sound and this picture was an attempt to capture the beautiful sunset.

The beer boat. Best idea ever. So glad we were toddler free for this wedding. Brian would have been IN the boat (or underneath it, depending on its perch's stability....)


Dreaded no swimming sign with Day 1 waves (not yet Nor'Easter waves)

Brian and me FREEZING our tushies off and trying not
to let the wind blow us away

Brian and Daddy BEFORE the long trek up to the Wright Brothers Memorial
I'm King of the World!

Brian is seriously the cutest boy ever. Yeah, totally biased but look at that face!

Another one of my cutie-patootie
Brian playing his new favorite game, "Go Lily Pad, Stop Lily Pad" Basically when he says Stop Lily Pad, you stop until he says Go Lily Pad. Theoretically. In practice, everyone BUT Brian has to stop on Stop Lily Pad. Kids. Where do they come up with this stuff?
Brian, do we have to pay you for a smile?? Mommy and Daddy are still in good spirits as this was before we decided to take the trail that claimed to be a mile and a half long that was, in reality, much longer than a mile and a half....

Ugh, I hate how long it takes to post pictures on this blog, arrange them in correct order, etc. I am so uncreative with this blog because I don't get it half the time.....
Tomorrow...D.C. pictures!!!

Overcoming the fear to fly

For those that do not know me as well as others, about 10 years ago I developed a fear of flying. Me, afraid to fly? Made about as much sense as fish fearing water, birds fearing heights, a child fearing play. Having taken my first flight in 1979 and having been bitten by the traveling bug at an early age, the idea of being afraid to get on an airplane was just ludicrous. And to pinpoint that exact moment....for the last 10 years, believe me, I have tried. I have asked myself a number of questions- was it the flight where the landing gear wouldn't come out and we got 20 feet from the runway and had to take back off into the air only to have firetrucks waiting for us alongside the runway once the landing gear finally worked and we were able to land? Or was it the severe thunderstorm we flew into upon landing during another flight, one that led the plane to erupt in applause when the plane had safely landed on the ground? Or perhaps it was all the ridiculously long flights I had to weather across the Pacific to visit my parents? Whatever situation it was that triggered my fear, I have since done silly things like delaying getting on an international flight, stranding myself in LAX overnight (did you know that airlines can get you a "passenger in distress" rate for airport hotels? Yup, learned that one that trip!), refusing to take a plane back across country once I got to my destination forcing me to take the Greyhound bus from San Diego, California back to Norfolk, Virginia (for those wondering, it took 4 days and it was absolutely the most refreshing shower I have EVER taken in my life when I returned home), and generally avoiding any trip or reason that would require me to board an airplane (how does one satisfy the love and NEED to travel when one will not board a plane?).
But I am happy to report that after 3 and a half years, I got on an airplane last week. Better yet, I also utilized my return ticket and flew home at the end of my trip! I have to say that the experience was absolutely EXHILARATING!!!! It was liberating, it was freeing, it was exactly what I needed to do to release myself from the restricting chains of this fear, and to begin the process of facing other fears that may be hindering me in my life. A wise man told me that our fears are rarely actually a fear of that specific circumstance or event, but a fear of being exposed. Let me elaborate. When one has a fear of flying, it's not actually the flight or the plane that is causing that fear. It's the fear of your reaction to this event, the fear of not having control and being exposed for all to see. So do I fear being exposed? Mmmm, not sure how to answer this, I feel like I am pretty much a "what you see is what you get" kind of gal, but the not being in control TERRIFIES me. Some may go so far as to call me a control freak, and I probably wouldn't argue.
To avoid the long process of self psycho-analyzing myself, I will stop here and give myself credit (and do the little celebratory dance) for (hopefully) overcoming this fear of flying. I have gotten my wings back and can not wait for the next opportunity to fly, no, SOAR!

Weekend, Sweet Weekend....

I love a good relaxing weekend. I am happily content today, after morning errand running, a baby shower (OK, truthfully the errand running was buying the baby shower gift- I am seriously the world's worst procrastinator), a little bit of cleaning, a little bit of chatting on the phone, wonderful quality time with my favorite two boys, and celebrating that one of those little boys made it the WHOLE day with no pee accidents (well the other one made it through with no accidents as well, but at 35 it's more of an expectation than at just under 3), I smile upon our relaxing day and on our happy life! I have had my moments of sadness/frustration today- no fault of anyone- but am ending my day with an attitude of acceptance that there are certain things in life over which I have no control and I just have to believe that the Big Guy upstairs has a plan for me and our family. Whatever happens (or doesn't happen), happens (or doesn't) for a reason, even though the reason may not be explicitly clear right away. But I digress.

Sights/Pics/Thoughts from the week....
Work and Wildlife
This picture of a cute, little bunny was taken with my cell next to our garden at work. As you probably can gauge from the trees and brush our program is located on the edge of the wild. And this is where I prefer to see wildlife. In the wild. Not scurrying down the hallway, seeking refuge behind the file cabinet in my office, as occurred on Thursday. After about 10 minutes, 4 of us managed to catch the petrified field mouse and return him to the wild you see above. If only these were the only two critters we have seen. Thanks to the four birdfeeders located near the garden (and the OCD birdseed tendencies of one or two folks), it often looks like a scene from Hitchcock's The Birds out back; we have a handful of ferral cats that lay in wait for those unsuspecting birds, and some creature that looked to be a cross between a wombat and a beaver (we never figured out that one, but I am not crazy, I think it was you Alex, that saw it too, waddling through the garden...). Then there was the mountain lion, and the pterodactyl. But that's a whole other story......


The above picture was taken on morning this week, I thought it was a beautiful scene and wanted to capture it. This is how I prefer to experience my commute vs. this.....

Not sure which is worse, the ominous clouds or the miles of brake lights....

And finally, here is a shot of my babooshka at the beach, he's my happy little lark.